be careful with your wish.

when i was a little bit younger (and more naive), i dreamt about working in the middle of a dynamic business situation where i can have a significant role in it. i preferred a chaotic situation in a small or a not-so stable company, if possible. it'd seem quite heroic for me (after working several years in a very stable company).

now, i am exactly in that. we are in a turbulance.

some of my colleagues, one by one left us. not for bad reason nor good, i think. in the end, we are all just trying to be pragmatic. in a boat that looks like will sink soon there's not much we can do. the rest (including myself) are in a beaten mood; we need a winning air soon.

for me, the situation is ironic.
it gives me the stage to act; at the same time, the feeling of left out by bosses, friends, members gives me a hard time to focus. the hardest is, i guess, to convince my self to convince my colleagues to fight while we can.

i always obesses with a good team. i think, if we don't win it won't be a big deal as long as we play until the last breath. work our ass as hard as we can. but the reality, one loss game, it knocks down everybody morale. win or lost is another thing, fighting among bunch of true friends is a really big deal.

now, this is the situation. this will be a hard year.
nobody say it'd be easy (coldplay sang).

i shall check this notes one year from now. 

¶ 10:55 PM