17 February 2005
I have to confess that I am a control freak; and I knew that is bad. And it (usually) ruins my personal relationship.
On the contrary, the feeling to always take control on everything that related to me, fortunately, give me the energy to perform well in my work. The fear to be in out-of-control situation makes me always prepare carefully on every project or work. So far, it works. But I've been thinking of this for a while....Even though this is the way I am working now (and it helps me pay my bills) I do wish that someday I could be more lay back and wash away my obsession for "control". I think I have to learn to be more like Wimar Witoelar, he's so cool...he's the one that I look up now.
But there is something in my life that make me want to scream because of this out-of-control thing. I need to tell you this: I have been living in Riau-Sumatera, Indonesia for these couple months...and for about almost two months we are living in a smoky air because of forests' fire. This is not an accident, but this is a disaster...a regular disaster. Some greedy assholes set fires in the forests to clean the forest into something else (such as palm oil plantation). So, here comes the foggy, smoky, darky dirty airs everyday, morning is the worst. The government stays silent and there are no action from other institutions to improve this situation (there are some news on TVs, that helps me a li'l bit).. But, helllloooooo.... this is not the first time. This kind of stupid thing, no, THIS STUPID THING, occur at least once a year, and will stay for three to six months. What kind of life I am living? Why in the world I am stay here? Am I a moron? (Maybe the answer is "Absolutely").
I hate the feeling that I cannot control this situation. The government should take an action...but I don't think it would happen in near future. What should I do? What things, under my control, could I do?
I don't want to blame or scream at the local government or the local house of reps. They just don't have the ears to listen to people who are living here. Oops...revision: they just don't have the heart to understand people's feeling. Money rules, baby.
Damn!! Feeling out of control ain't easy, buddy...you will agree...you will..you will..you must :D